When Two Become One

Scriptures:  Gen 2:24; Eccl 4:9-10; Luke 12:15-21

Are you thinking about getting married?  Have you thought about how the two of you manage your finances?  As a married couple, how aligned should you be with your spouse? 

Note: While I am writing this article for those considering marriage, realize that these truths apply throughout a marriage.  So, whether you are married for one year, five years or 55 years or just thinking about getting married, please read this article and apply it in your marriage.  It works!

Most of us have heard the statistics – one of the major reasons for divorce is financial troubles and issues. Yet none of this seems to have an impact on us.  We get married without much thought to how we will stay married. And too often we become one of the statistics.

To beat these statistics, all that needs to be done is talk about how you will handle your finances as a couple and to agree to live by certain principles.  It sounds simple and in many ways it is, but you have to do it, especially living by the principles. You can’t say one thing and do another. Being true to oneself and each other is a significant part to your overall plan.

So where do you begin?  It begins with the notion of becoming one as it is stated in Genesis.  The two will become one.  This means in all aspects, which includes your finances.  You cannot become one if each of you is still spending like two.  So it begins with your finances.

Begin by putting down on paper a budget.  This will mean talking about what each of you is bringing to the marriage:  your income, your possessions, your debts, and your ideas & goals about your future. Building a budget includes understanding what your goals are as you live your lives together.  It also means learning together.

One of the significant goals of a budget is to create a plan that demonstrates you are spending less than you make!  Yes, less than you make because how else would you save any money for the future spending or emergencies. 

Another goal of your budget is to get out of debt and stay that way for as long as you can.  If you are getting married and you have debt coming into the marriage, then it should be your joint priority to get out of debt quickly.  Debt creates stress and strain on the relationship and so this must be handled first.  Start with credit cards and then move on to consumer debt (student loans, car loans, etc.) 

And when you get out of debt, celebrate the fact together. You achieved this as a team and so do forget to reward yourself when you achieve your goal.  It shouldn’t be extravagant where you go back into debt, but something that says: Well done!

Your budget should demonstrate patience and contentment too. You should realize that comparing yourself to others, in particular to your parent’s lifestyles or your friends, is not a good way to demonstrate patience.  You can’t be going out to eat all of the time.  Going on extravagant vacations or buying sporty cars only feeds your impatience.  Saving for your major purchases is an essential way to demonstrate patience.  And in the time it takes to save for something you may discover it really isn’t all that important, which is a seed of contentment for the things you have now.

When building your budget remember to seek counsel.  The fact you are reading this article is a testimony to seeking counsel.  But don’t stop here (this article) or here (Crown’s marriage articles).  Talk to your parents – after all they got to where they are because of lots of trial and error.  Soak up their wisdom and apply it to your lifestyle.  And remember, they didn’t get to where they are in their first year of marriage or even their fifth – it took them years and years. 

Finally, when you have completed your budget, benchmark it.  Just because you have a budget that shows you plan on spending 20% of your discretionary income on entertainment doesn’t mean that this is a wise plan.  For this you may want to read my previous article on benchmarking your budget.  A budget has to be both created and reasonable. 

Becoming one financially takes lots of time and communication.  It requires becoming like-minded.  You have to act and live as one.  This is easy when you have clear goals in mind. 

Now like-minded doesn’t mean same-minded.  Each of you brings something to the table.  In the workplace there is the saying: “If you were both the same, then one of you is not needed.”  Since you are both in the relationship together and neither of you is not needed, use your differences to come up with creative solutions to your financial goals and challenges.  What’s critical is to agree on the goals and together negotiate the means of achieving the goals. 

Lastly, I would say to put a lot of thought into your wedding vows.  These vows represent the commitment you are making to each other. If you have “… for richer, for poorer …” in your vows, really know what this means, especially the poorer part. Paul wrote in Philippians that he learned to be content.  He wasn’t blessed with contentment, he didn’t receive it as one of his spiritual gifts; he learned it!  You cannot live with your spouse without learning this very important truth.

And when you commit to living according to sound Biblical financial principles, you can expect that your marriage will grow stronger and stronger. 

Buying for Less

Scriptures:  Luke 10-12; 1 Chr 21:18-25; Jer 32:9-12

How often do you negotiate the selling price of your big purchases?  Are you bold enough to ask for discounts or a lower price before you purchase an item? 

Most of us can quote chapter and verse (and there are a few) the phrase: ask and you will receive.  But too often we are timid to explore the possibility of getting a better price for the things we need to purchase.   I am not suggesting that the Lord would or wouldn’t want to be involved with our purchases.  Bottom line: it’s His Will that will be done. 

Yet, there are many things that we purchase that are “eligible” for a negotiated price, even when we don’t believe it is.  All we need to do is ask.  The problem is that we make so many purchases where the price isn’t negotiable, that we don’t learn which ones are. 

Houses, cars, furniture, and garage sale items all can have their prices negotiated.  There are services that we contract for around our homes that also fall into this category of flexible pricing.  And if we are bold enough to negotiate the price, we can end up with a lower price than what the pricing started at.

And so why do we not negotiate our prices?  Well, I suspect there are a couple of reasons why.  First, we just don’t ask because we don’t want to hear no.  Second, I would say it’s because we don’t have a negotiating strategy.  So, let me say more.

Why don’t we want to hear no? 

Clearly, there are lots of reasons but I guess I hear my parents saying no and not the salesperson.  It sounds like we are being told no to the item and not the price.  If we want the item, then we want to make it easy to purchase.  We don’t want to fight for the thing we can’t live without. We also become emotionally attached and therefore we convince ourselves that we have to have it.  And so why would we want to negotiate when this is work?

Why don’t we have a negotiation strategy? 

This one is simple; we are typically not trained to negotiate – not in high school, not in college for most degrees.  But we often negotiated with our parents and this was usually hit & miss.  Most of the time our parents weren’t interested in negotiating, the answer was no.  And so it’s no wonder most of us don’t negotiate for our purchases.

Now to negotiate is a general term that means to reach an agreement with another party.  It doesn’t imply pricing only.  We all negotiate every day, from where we will eat diner, to what movie we will see at the theater, and to where we will go for the family vacation. If we need to reach an agreement with another individual, we are probably negotiating with others. 

But when it comes to reaching an agreement on price, we find that we are not as bold as we could be.  And so let me suggest some negotiating techniques.

First, have a strategy.  Most negotiating strategies would suggest that you need to have four prices in mind before you begin to negotiation.  These are:

·         Target Price – the price you would like to pay for the item. E.g. $900

·         Walk-Away Price – This is the price you will walk away from the purchase. Yes, walk away from the purchase!  This is typically established by what you have budgeted for or saved for.  If you only have $1000 for a new sofa, then that’s all you have and this will be your walk-away price.

·         Starting Offer – the opening price that starts the negotiation discussion. E.g. $750

·         Target Price of the Seller – you should have some idea of what the other party’s target price is. E.g. $950

Note these example prices are based on a buyer’s perspective.  If you were selling an item, e.g. a used car, then your prices would be more like: Target Price: $1500, Walk-Away Price: $1000; Starting Offer: $2000; Buyer’s Target Price: $1300 (what he found thru Kelly’s Blue Book)

With these prices in mind, you can approach a negotiation with a much better idea of how to get to your target price.  The toughest thing you will have to do is walk away from the sale.  But I will tell you that the most powerful negotiation technique is to walk!  I have been brought back to the negotiation table more than once after I have walked away from the sale.  But this wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t have the walk-away price in mind. 

Another thought I would like to share with you is having a concession strategy.  This is how quickly you approach (concede toward) your target price.  You can either concede large amounts with each subsequent offers being smaller and smaller concessions.  For example: Starting offer: $10,000 with target price of $5000; next offer $7,000 ($-3000); next offer $5500 ($-1500); last offer $5500 ($-500).  Conceding in this manner creates the impression that there won’t be much left to concede and so leads the seller to want to settle on the deal. 

And I would say when you concede, always get something in return.  When I was negotiating for my last home purchase, I was firm on the price.  The seller wanted me to concede on the price but I was firm and so I walked.  The seller came back with the price I wanted if he could take the hot tub.  Since I didn’t care much for the hot tub, I agree because the purchase price was most important.  But the seller didn’t concede without getting something in return. 

Is there more to negotiation strategies than this? Most definitely yes and while I would love to teach you the art of negotiations in this article, I just can’t.  But if you would plan your negotiation and just be a little bit bolder and ask, you just might discover you can negotiate effectively for the things you want at a lower price.

Start by trying your skill in garage sales, where prices are all subject to negotiation and work your way up to the bigger sales. After all, you work hard for money and why not make it go as far as you can!?