Are you thinking about getting married? Have you thought about how the two of you manage your finances? As a married couple, how aligned should you be with your spouse?
Note: While I am writing this article for those considering marriage, realize that these truths apply throughout a marriage. So, whether you are married for one year, five years or 55 years or just thinking about getting married, please read this article and apply it in your marriage. It works!
Most of us have heard the statistics – one of the major reasons for divorce is financial troubles and issues. Yet none of this seems to have an impact on us. We get married without much thought to how we will stay married. And too often we become one of the statistics.
To beat these statistics, all that needs to be done is talk about how you will handle your finances as a couple and to agree to live by certain principles. It sounds simple and in many ways it is, but you have to do it, especially living by the principles. You can’t say one thing and do another. Being true to oneself and each other is a significant part to your overall plan.
So where do you begin? It begins with the notion of becoming one as it is stated in Genesis. The two will become one. This means in all aspects, which includes your finances. You cannot become one if each of you is still spending like two. So it begins with your finances.
Begin by putting down on paper a budget. This will mean talking about what each of you is bringing to the marriage: your income, your possessions, your debts, and your ideas & goals about your future. Building a budget includes understanding what your goals are as you live your lives together. It also means learning together.
One of the significant goals of a budget is to create a plan that demonstrates you are spending less than you make! Yes, less than you make because how else would you save any money for the future spending or emergencies.
Another goal of your budget is to get out of debt and stay that way for as long as you can. If you are getting married and you have debt coming into the marriage, then it should be your joint priority to get out of debt quickly. Debt creates stress and strain on the relationship and so this must be handled first. Start with credit cards and then move on to consumer debt (student loans, car loans, etc.)
And when you get out of debt, celebrate the fact together. You achieved this as a team and so do forget to reward yourself when you achieve your goal. It shouldn’t be extravagant where you go back into debt, but something that says: Well done!
Your budget should demonstrate patience and contentment too. You should realize that comparing yourself to others, in particular to your parent’s lifestyles or your friends, is not a good way to demonstrate patience. You can’t be going out to eat all of the time. Going on extravagant vacations or buying sporty cars only feeds your impatience. Saving for your major purchases is an essential way to demonstrate patience. And in the time it takes to save for something you may discover it really isn’t all that important, which is a seed of contentment for the things you have now.
When building your budget remember to seek counsel. The fact you are reading this article is a testimony to seeking counsel. But don’t stop here (this article) or here (Crown’s marriage articles). Talk to your parents – after all they got to where they are because of lots of trial and error. Soak up their wisdom and apply it to your lifestyle. And remember, they didn’t get to where they are in their first year of marriage or even their fifth – it took them years and years.
Finally, when you have completed your budget, benchmark it. Just because you have a budget that shows you plan on spending 20% of your discretionary income on entertainment doesn’t mean that this is a wise plan. For this you may want to read my previous article on benchmarking your budget. A budget has to be both created and reasonable.
Becoming one financially takes lots of time and communication. It requires becoming like-minded. You have to act and live as one. This is easy when you have clear goals in mind.
Now like-minded doesn’t mean same-minded. Each of you brings something to the table. In the workplace there is the saying: “If you were both the same, then one of you is not needed.” Since you are both in the relationship together and neither of you is not needed, use your differences to come up with creative solutions to your financial goals and challenges. What’s critical is to agree on the goals and together negotiate the means of achieving the goals.
Lastly, I would say to put a lot of thought into your wedding vows. These vows represent the commitment you are making to each other. If you have “… for richer, for poorer …” in your vows, really know what this means, especially the poorer part. Paul wrote in Philippians that he learned to be content. He wasn’t blessed with contentment, he didn’t receive it as one of his spiritual gifts; he learned it! You cannot live with your spouse without learning this very important truth.
And when you commit to living according to sound Biblical financial principles, you can expect that your marriage will grow stronger and stronger.
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